The Killer Plot Bunnies of Caerbannog
by MagicallyInclined
Summary: Various ideas for stories from any fandom.
1. Author's Note

I have several have written ideas on my computer taking up space and not getting anywhere, so I've decided to put al my plot bunnies here. Hence the name of this "story". (For those of you who don't recognize the reference, the Rabbit of Caerbannog was the killer bunny in the movie _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_.)

Some of these ideas I'll eventually get around to writing a complete story for, but for the most part they'll stay here as short scenes. If anyone is inspired by my ideas and wants to do their own fic based on it, feel free. I do ask that you let me know however so I can at least read it.

Each idea will be labelled by fandom and pairings (if any) at the start of the "chapter" and at the end there will be an author's note of where I see the story going if I write it out in full.

So I think that's everything. Happy reading!


	2. Star Wars

**Fandom: **Star Wars  
**Potential Title: **A Different Hope  
**Pairings (if any): **Probably canon pairings, so eventual Han/Leia

* * *

_"Hold your fire; there's no life forms aboard."_

_"Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now?"_

_"You don't do the budget Terry; I do!"_

- _Family Guy; Season 1, Episode 6: Blue Harvest_

* * *

Terry Anderson was bored. Rather surprising considering his current situation: he was manning a laser gun nearly ten times his size on the largest starship of the Imperial's Starfleet, which in turn was commanded by the infamous Lord of the Sith Darth Vader. Not to mention that they had just finished chasing a suspected rebel ship through the vacuum of space, fought it until they beat it into submission and were now boarding said rebel ship. And yet, all that didn't change the fact that Terry Anderson was bored.

Originally from the mid-rim planet of Veron, Terry's life had never been anything besides ordinary; his father was a tailor, his mom was a stay-at-home mother and he has a sister two years younger who was now married and led an ordinary life. He grew up in a typical middle-class neighbourhood during his very typical and average childhood. Like the majority of young men his age, he had opted to join the Imperial army to escape his mundane life and lead a life of purpose and adventure (the Imperial army had been recruiting heavily ever since the Rebel Alliance had destroyed the cloning facility where the original storm troopers were made ten years ago). And like most of the young men who joined the imperial forces, he was soon disillusioned as to how life in the army would be. Now he spends hours at a time doing small demeaning jobs for his superior officers and sitting behind a massive gun doing nothing just on the off-chance that rebels decide to attack them.

Finally something came in range of his scope. Eagerly, the young officer charged the laser so it was ready to shoot.

"Hold your fire." His commanding officer and complete jerk Lt. Acklay ordered. "There's no life forms aboard."

Usually Terry would have listened. Usually no matter how much he daydreamed of fighting battles and being a hot-shot hero of the empire, he was neither confident enough nor brave enough to do anything besides follow orders. But today, for whatever reasons, Terry was full of fire and desperate for something, _anything_, to break his monotonous life. So against his superior's orders – and his own common sense – he fired, blowing the escape pod to smithereens.

For most that small act of rebellion brought on by boredom was so insignificant that they would never know of it. Indeed, even Terry would forget about it soon after being assigned extra manual labour for not heeding his superior officer and firing without cause. But while Terry Anderson and everyone else who knew about his shot may have thought that the escape pod he had blown up was empty, they would be very, very wrong.

It wasn't an empty pod that he had shot down; it had contained two droids. And while most species, including humans, felt that droids were just fancy possessions and easily lost and replaced, these were no ordinary droids. They had been close companions and accomplices of some of the most prolific people in the galaxy; namely Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Nabberrie. Contained in the R2 unit's memory storage were holos and data from the most important battles and events of the last twenty five years; including the blueprints of the empire's super weapon the Death Star. Before their unfortunate demise they had been on a mission to reunite with an old friend of theirs; Obi-Wan Kenobi, one of the most powerful and skilled jedi of the old republic. With his help they would have delivered the Death Star plans to the rebellion, given hope to a galaxy gripped tight in tyranny and maybe even rescue the princess who had sent them on their mission.

But now the droids known as R2-D2 and C-3PO were no more. And though not many would know it, the course of the galaxy was forever altered.

* * *

_"Brian, did you notice that everything that transpired in those three films, and I mean _everything_, can be attributed to the actions of one very minor character?"_

_"Who?"_

_"The gunner of the Star Destroyer at the beginning of the first film."_

_"How come?"_

_"Well, because if the gunner had shot the pod that C-3PO and R2D2 were in, they wouldn't have gotten to Tatooine, they wouldn't have met Luke, Luke wouldn't have met Ben, they wouldn't have met Han and Chewie, they wouldn't have rescued Princess Leia; none of it would have happened!" _

- _Spaced; Season 1, Episode 5: Chaos_

* * *

**A/N: So this is an AU story of Star Wars starting at A New Hope but without the droids. How would Luke, Ben, Leia, Han and Chewie all meet without the droids' influence? Would they be able to stop the Death Star without the blueprints? I don't think I'll expand this into a full story (I have to finish my other stories first) but after watching 'Spaced' I thought it would make an interesting AU nonetheless, so I thought I'd write a little scene and hope others take a shot with it.**


	3. Naruto

**Fandom: **Naruto  
**Potential Title: **...I haven't come up with anything yet  
**Pairings (if any): **Maybe Iruka/Anko. Or Kakashi/Iruka.

* * *

Oonoki looked over the finished preparations. The large room located in the basement of the Tsuchikage tower was covered with complicated seals, drawn by the best seal masters Tsuchi no Kuni had to offer. He looked over at the stone alter, complete with shackles, that stood in the middle of the room where the last component of this plan would go. He felt his anticipation and glee rise as the plan was finally coming together. For too long had the village hidden in the leaves stood at the top. Even after suffering through the Kyuubi attack, the death of two Hokages and the latest joint invasion from Suna and Oto, Konoha was still as powerful as ever. But finally, after almost a full year of work, they were ready and it would be the Rock Village's time to shine.

"It's time." The Tsuchikage declared. "Retrieve the boy."

Oh yes, the Tsuchikage thought as his subordinates disappeared so quickly it was like they were never there; he was definitely looking forward to turning one of the Fire country's greatest assets into their greatest foe.

* * *

Naruto wandered around the small village looking for his new friend Aemi. The newly-turned fourteen year old was pretty bored since Ero-sennin (who was _supposed_ to be training him) had ditched him once again to go "see to important business" – a.k.a. peeping on woman for his smut books. And that had been over a week ago.

Now don't get him wrong; it wasn't like Naruto wasn't learning anything so far in this two and a half year training trip, and he loved Jiraiya like a grandfather/uncle; but he wished that he wasn't always left to his own devices. He knew that Jiraiya couldn't hover over his shoulder all the time, but he wished the toad sannin would give some hints or clues or just be in the area for when Naruto had some questions when working on a technique.

But instead they'd travel to a new place, Jiraiya would introduce a new technique or idea and then let Naruto figure it out while he went off to talk with one of his contacts or go peeving. Naruto would then spend his time training on his own, exploring the new town/city/country and making friends with the locals.

Naruto pleasantly waved back as the townspeople called out greetings and smiled at him. As much as he missed Konoha, it was always refreshing to come to a town and have the people so welcoming and open to him. He supposed it didn't hurt that he always was more than eager to help with whatever ailed the people; for example this village and the other small villages close by had been targeted by a group of bandits that had left them on the verge of poverty. Needless to say that they didn't have to deal with those criminals anymore and Naruto was now their favourite ninja of all time.

Finally Naruto found himself at the outskirts of the town where Aemi's father's grave was located. Often she would come out here to think or just talk out her thoughts and feelings to the grave. But Naruto immediately tensed when he didn't see her anywhere and became aware of the eyes on his person. He could immediately tell it wasn't just a prank from the girl; there was something hostile in the air and Naruto feared that maybe there were some bandits that had avoided prison and had come for some revenge.

"Come on out you cowards! I know you're there!" Naruto yelled out.

Before Naruto could blink, he was surrounded by four men, one of which had a kunai pressed against Aemi's throat.

Naruto mentally cursed. He was in deep trouble. Judging from their speed, they had to be jounins and there hitai-ites labelled them as Iwa nins – enemies of Konoha. And they had a hostage. Naruto let out a growl of anger and frustration.

"Uzumaki Naruto," one of the ninja spoke "the Tsuchikage requests your presence."

"Well you can tell the Tsuchikage to go screw himself!" Naruto yelled out. "Now let Aemi go or I'm going to kick your ass!"

"I don't think you understand the situation," the same ninja responded, digging the kunai a bit deeper and making a trickle of blood trail down Aemi's neck "you have two choices: either you surrender and we let the girl go and escort you to Earth country; or you fight, we kill the girl and then we escort you to Earth country. It is your choice."

Naruto looked over at the Iwa nin trying to think of a way out of this situation. There was none – he was outnumbered and surrounded by ninja who were more skilled and experienced than himself. While normally that wouldn't faze him and he'd fight tooth and nail regardless, Aemi's life was on the line and he couldn't risk that.

"Kuso..." Naruto swore as he dropped to his knees and placed his hands behind his head in surrender.

"I'm glad you saw things our way," the Iwa nin spoke as another tied his hands to his sides to prevent him from forming seals and confiscated all his weapons. "Don't worry, soon you will grow to love Tsuchi no Kuni and Iwakagure no Sato like we do."

The next thing Naruto knew was darkness as he was knocked out.

* * *

"Hold on kid; I'm on my way." Jiraiya muttered to himself as he ran and hopped tree to tree.

He cursed himself for his stupidity. The only reason Tsunade had allowed him to take her precious honorary brother outside the safety of the village was because he had assured her that it was what was best for him, and Jiraiya was one of the few people who nobody would dare attack Naruto around. But the toad sannin had become too lax with his security around the boy, confidant in his information of the Akatsuki waiting another year and a half or so before coming to collect Naruto and the bijuu he housed.

So it was much to the toad sage's surprise that when he had returned to the latest village he had dropped Naruto off at, some girl came running telling a story about ninja who had come to take Naruto away with them to Earth country. Jiraiya mentally swore just thinking about it. After all the precautions taken to make sure Naruto wouldn't suffer for his father's fame, he was taken straight to the belly of the beast. After all, Jiraiya was well aware that despite the fourteen years since Minato's death and the seventeen years since the end of the war, Iwa still referred to Konoha's Yellow Flash as Iwa's Bane and still hated the man with a fiery passion.

Jiraiya stopped when he found broken branches and burnt grass – another scene of a scrimmage. He couldn't help but smirk; this was the sixth area he had come across with bloodstains and crushed grass, proof of the trouble Naruto was giving his captors. If there was one thing Naruto had the rest of the world beat in, it was his determination, gustiness and his refusal to ever give up.

"Keep it up gaki," Jiraiya muttered, happy to note that he was slowly but surely catching up to his godson's captors.

* * *

"Let me go you bastards!" Naruto yelled, squirming in his binds. "I'm going to kick your asses! Believe it! You bastards will ne-"

Naruto's long tirade (mostly consisting of swear words) was muffled as the Tsuchikage gagged the boy with a cloth, and used another piece to tie around his head, securing it.

"Much better." Oonoki said. "You were distracting the seal masters." He added, indicating the ninja who were currently drawing symbols on the naked boy's body. Naruto just glared.

The Tsuchikage grabbed hold of the blond spiky hair as the boy moved his head – the only body part he could move while shacked to the stone alter – and held it still for the seal master currently drawing on the boy's forehead.

"You know, you're not quite what I was expecting _Uzumaki_ Naruto." Oonoki spoke to his captive conversationally. "I had of course heard of you; Snow country – or Spring country as it is now known – which had once been close allies with us, has refused to deal with us after you helped princess Koyuki ascend to the throne. And though trade had always been difficult with countries allied with Fire country, it has become even more difficult as of late, even with neutral countries! Nations which have once favoured us, or at least treated Earth and Fire evenly are suddenly far more friendly with Hi no Kuni. Especially with the nations of Bear, Bird, Moon, Tea, Vegetable, Waterfall, Wave and Wind."

The Tsuchikage let Naruto absorb what he was saying before continuing on. "I'm sure that you already recognize what those countries have in common. But I'll point it out just in case you don't see my point – each of those countries have someone in very high positions who each adore you, and therefore are more than willing to give Fire country, _you're_ country, good deals and good trade. Meanwhile Earth country, _my_ country, suffers. Well no more. When I am finished with you, you will be a proud and loyal Iwa shinobi and all those friends of yours will be more than happy to leave Fire country in the dust as they deal with Earth country, _our_ country, in their effort to pay you back for your help and friendship."

Naruto growled and yelled as much as possible through his gag.

"But seeing you now I guess it isn't such a big surprise how you were able to influence so many people." Oonoki continued. "Golden-blond spiky hair, bright blue eyes – though yours are quite a bit brighter and bigger; yes, you're father was very good at making alliances too. Though I think you have him beat; I don't think the other countries were as loyal to your father as they are to you, and he certainly hadn't had so much influence as a mere genin. You're heritage will only make things sweeter as you help Iwakagure no sato become the greatest of the five great shinobi villages, _Namikaze_ Naruto."

Jiraiya watched and listened from his vantage point amid the rafters. He had only arrived a few minutes ago and was hesitant to make any moves as of yet – if he tried to rescue Naruto at this point in time chances were that he would lose since not even he could face off against a kage and at least a dozen jounin by himself (and it would only take a moment to alert the rest of the ninja village of his presence and increasing the number of his opponents exponentially). Not to mention Naruto would probably be seriously injured or killed in the crossfire, bound as he was in the middle of the room.

That didn't mean that there was nothing Jiraiya could do however – already he discovered that his assumption that Iwa had wanted Naruto for his heritage as the only son of the Yondaime Hokage to be false. They wanted Naruto for his political influence. Jiraiya was surprised even though he shouldn't have been; now that he thinks of it he recalled how Kazahana Koyuki had only agreed to lead in his Icha Icha movie after learning that the writer was a Konoha shinobi, _like her hero._ He had also heard that the Vegetable Daimyo had all but begged Naruto to work for her and stay by her side; and Gaara, Wind country's new Kazekage, thought of Naruto as his best friend and personal saviour. Still, it was hard to think of the knuckle-headed and exuberant gaki as someone who had such political power.

The toad sannin tried to decipher the seals covering every inch of the room – he had never seen anything quite like it. They had obviously been planning this for quite some time. He recognised most of the symbols, but he didn't know what the end result was. There were some seals that effected with people's memories, but it wasn't _quite_ right if they wanted to erase his memories and brainwash him to become a loyal Iwa nin. There were others that affected the body – but why go through all this effort to capture Naruto alive and well and get him to join them if they were going to physically impair him? His musings were cut short as the seal masters finished their work and everyone took their positions at equal distances from each other along the circumference of the room. Jiraiya watched as they channelled chakra into the seals, making them glow brightly. As much as he was tempted to interrupt and save Naruto now that the numerous ninja (Tsuchikage included) were distracted, as the leading seal master in the world he knew better than anyone what could happen if something like this was interrupted. He ignored Naruto's writhing and desperate screams as he prepared himself to act the moment the ritual was finished.

After what felt like an eternity, Jiraiya was able to see some physical effects of the seals. Before his eyes Naruto seemed to shrink. He continued to watch in disbelief as the fourteen year old he knew de-aged until all that was left was a crying infant, far too small reach the shackles let alone be held by them.

Finally the Iwa nins stopped, allowing the seals on and around the infant to disappear. Jiraiya didn't wait for them to catch their breath and had already scooped up Naruto before they had a chance to blink.

"Stop him!" the Tsuchikage yelled. "Don't let the infant leave the village!"

Unfortunately they were very tired and drained after the long ritual and facing an extremely skilled and strong opponent, so despite being outnumbered and in enemy territory Jiraiya escaped unscathed with his precious bundle and made his way as quickly as possible towards Konoha.

* * *

**A/N: Everybody always wants Naruto for his power or heritage - no one seems to want to take advantage of his massive political influence. He saves a Feudal Lord or princess so often (and more importantly he becomes good friends with them) that he should be more influential than anyone in the entire elemental nations. That and I was annoyed when after the time skip of 2 and a half years training under one of the strongest ninjas ever born Naruto had almost no difference in ability made me think up this little plot bunny.**

**Basically Iwa de-ages Naruto in order to 'raise him' as a loyal Iwa ninja. He'll grow at an excellerated rate so he'll be back to normal after a year or two and he'll still have all his previous memories, but they won't be as emotionally attached to them - his previous memories will be more like a movie he watched then experiences he lived through. I plan to have Iruka watch over and raise baby Naruto with maybe some big-sister!Sakura. It's an alternate to how he spent the time skip - living a new childhood and getting proper instruction on the basics. **


End file.
